Don't Go For Second Best Baby, Put Your Self Love To The Test.
Happy Valentines Day Eve everyone!... I mean, that's a thing right? Maybe not. BUT we have finally kissed "SEE YA" to January and hallelujah, February has arrived! Which in turn apparently means luuurve is in the air for some of us and for some, not so much but that's perfectly fine because we're all strong independent women who don't need no man *wags finger with only the attitude possessed by said, strong, independent women*. Personally and unsurprising to some of you (mainly to those who read my December posts- even Christmas was touch and go at times), Valentine's Day just ain't my bag. Yes it's nice to feel lovey, dovey but without sounding like I'm preaching, I don't necessarily need a day to remind me to do that. Don't get me wrong, I'll be telling my boyfriend just how bloody awesome he is but I didn't need Clinton's to help me do that. Plus I was single/unlucky in love for a heck of a long time and it never sat right with me just how inadequate the made up landmark made me feel. It took me some time to get there, but for a long while I was very happy to be single, no if's or but's. I liked having my own life, on my own time, with only little old me to answer to/for. But some how on Valentines Day I felt obliged to discuss that big, old, single pink elephant in the room, you know the one that apparently sits at home alone, eating ice cream out of the tub and watching Bridget Jone's on repeat because "it's just SO me" *rolls eyes*? I almost felt like I had to make excuses up for why I was on my own or even worse, people felt it their duty to make them up for you!... "Oh don't worry Mr Right is just around the corner, you'll see" or "Honestly, I just don't understand how a lovely girl like you is still single?" and all the while you just have to smile and nod. Smile and nod all the way home, where you can then scream into a pillow in the privacy of your own bedroom.
Truth be told, through out my early Twenties, Mr Right was most definitely not around the corner, not by a long shot. Instead with every turn I took I kept bumping into Mr "Definitely Wrong" or Mr "You're not wrong but you're also not right for me" or the worst one of all Mr "Right, well you're a complete narcissistic arsehole, my bad for not realising that sooner". And "bumping into" was most definitely the right turn of phrase to use, because I wasn't consciously seeking him out! It was that condescending and frankly (in my personal experience) repetitive question of WHY might a girl be single that really bugged me. Like the notion a girl could possibly want to be alone was just so ludicrously out of the question that there had to be a better reason... Did it ever occur to these people that not every girl is actively searching for that apparent someone special to complete her world because, well, maybe she could do that for herself? Or maybe she'd wasted so much time relying on Mr Wrong's to make her happy that she finally realised she could be much happier without? Maybe she realised she had great friends, a great job and a bloody cracking wardrobe and she had this happiness gig covered all on her own? In the wise words of Eighties Madonna, "second best is never enough, you'll do much better baby on your own" *drops the mic*. And in the even wiser teachings of my mum, you certainly can't find happiness in others without finding it in yourself first and that always struck a chord with me.
I'm sorry I sound like I'm being a spoil sport on a perfectly harmless celebration and it's completely unintentional, please celebrate away! I can assure you, Joe will have a Valentine's and he won't be sat at home crying over a microwavable Spag Bol (which FYI would be his dream tea) because his girlfriend isn't the celebrating type. BUT- and Joe can also vouch for me on this one- I have this predisposition to feel incredibly uncomfortably when involved in "couples events"- double dates, couples holidays and unfortunately Valentine's Day. It just makes me feel well... Icky. There's something just a little smug and trait about it all, like an elitism between those in couples over those who are not. I just can't seem to enjoy it. It'll never be me because I'm still the exact same girl I was before relationship-ville. I still work hard, I do everything for myself and everything I have, I have myself to thank for (apart from my Charlotte Olympia Kitty Flats, Joe might be responsible for those). Yes my boyfriend makes me extremely happy. He adds something huge and amazing to my life, I'd be lying if I said he didn't but- and maybe I've learned this through him being away so much- there are other aspects to my world that bear just as much importance to my happiness. It's about a balance. Why must we always concentrate on this one idea of finding love, to make our worlds complete? The point I'm getting at is; single or in a relationship, who cares? Whether you're relationship status is a conscious decision or "it's complicated"... Big deal! Are you happy? Like as in for real happy in yourself, by yourself, for yourself? You are? Good! Amazing! You're doing ok! Because really when it all boils down, that's the only thing that's ever going to matters.
And with that I will leave you with a new love of my life, my Birkin Basket bag. Now that little dreamboat DEFINITELY completes my wardrobe at least...
Happy Valentines Day or at least Happy Tuesday,
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Denim Flare- And Other Stories
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