Thirty, Flirty and Thriving?

Today I turned the ripe old age of thirty and I'm seriously asking the question how on earth did I get here so quickly? Let's be real thirty so far feels absolutely no different to twenty nine, there's no official certificate through my door saying"congratulations you should now have your life 100% together" or an award presented for "becoming an adult successfully". I am completely aware that when all is said and done thirty is simply an age and it doesn't change a thing. It doesn't scare me, I don't feel panicked that the "prime of my life" is over and credit where credit's due I'm actually kinda pleased with where I'm at and what I've achieved. And since I'm giving myself a mini pat on the back I'd actually like to add that I think twenty one year me would also be pretty satisfied with where she hoped she'd be vs the reality right now! The only thing that actually takes me by surprise is how quickly time has whizzed by and I realise that ironically by making statements like this I do actually sound possibly a little old before my time. 

Going way back to twenty one I feel like time moved so much more slowly and it would remain this way up until my mid twenties. The thing is, these are your transitional years to really get to grips with who you are and who you want to be. No peer pressure, no conforming, no set guidelines! Just you, on your own, doing things in your own preferred order and at your own desired pace. This is actually the only period in your life where you're in this very weird limbo of sort of being an adult but effectively still being so young and the best part is you're so oblivious to this fact. You don't realise it at the time but each day to pass by could be a total turn around from the last. Big changes happen frequently because it's all part and parcel of figuring out life or more specifically the life you think you want to live at twenty one. In a way you're so fickle from one month to the next and quite rightly too! Whoever said your twenties are for making mistakes wasn't lying, this is the exact age you are able to make terrible choices and bounce back unscathed. It doesn't matter if your decision making at twenty leaves a lot to be deserved because it's one of the only times in your life you're perfectly capable of turning it all around again in no time at all. Navigating through life takes time, last minute changes and a fair few detours and/or scenic routes.
I remember leaving uni at twenty two and feeling this overwhelming sense of pressure, as if education was officially over and from that point onwards my life should be completely together. I felt like I should have had my masterplan mapped out and be moving full steam ahead in making it happen. I look back on this with utter bewilderment as at thirty years old I still don't feel like my life is "right on schedule". Adulthood seems to have alluded me and although I'm proud of how far I've come, I've realised that realistically do you ever really reach that point of feeling completely satisfied? There's absolutely no way one day you wake up and think "right so that's my job, house, marriage, two children and one dog sorted, I should probably just sit back and relax from now on". This just doesn't happen and my only regret is not realising this much, much earlier. I honestly wish someone had sat me down at twenty two years old and laid it out as it really is... Under no circumstance should you have a foolproof plan and it's ok to feel a little lost! You don't have to know where your going or feel like you need to prove anything to anyone, not even yourself. I wish I'd known at twenty two that at thirty years old I would still feel there is so much more to come! Time really does escape you and all those big milestones you think you need to achieve in your head, actually happen completely organically and very much in their own time. Your twenties already feel like they go by within a blink of a eye so why rush them along even more?
It's funny (if not slightly obvious as time goes by) that the older you get the more the goal posts move and your perception of age changes. Over the past few weeks I've had multiple family members and friends ask me various questions all along the same lines of "are you ready for the big Three Zero?" and my answer has been the same every time. I just don't feel like I'm psychically or mentally "there" yet. Now I really must stress this answer has absolutely nothing to do with feeling panicked but more that I just don't feel like thirty suits me. In my head I still feel like I'm twenty two, fumbling through life and maybe even possibly winging it? I'm not even remotely kidding, there are so many parts of my daily life when I really do think "I'm not sure I was supposed to be given this amount of responsibility". I remember last year when me and my boyfriend bought our first house, collecting the keys, opening the door and looking at each other like "Now what do we do? ". I felt like I'd just blagged it, I seriously did!! 
It's only when I actually sit and really think about it rationally that I realise I'm an absolute world apart from twenty two year old me! I've mellowed out for one, I no longer feel this insatiable urge to have drama in my life to prove it's interesting. In fact drama is now my arch enemy beaten simply by my natural desire to just want to sit at home in my pjs with my dog. And the same goes for constantly feeling the need to have "fun". Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my life isn't fun anymore (I mean did I not just mention a crazy night in with pjs and my dog?) but I no longer suffer from a serious case of FOMO. I'm glad to sit things out if I just don't want to do them without feeling like the world will end and I'll be forgotten about. Which I guess leads me nicely onto another wonderful gift your late twenties provides you- the ability to deceiver between what you think you should do and what you ACTUALLY want to do. You are able to truly understand what makes you happy, you become a "no" person and filters disappear. You'll gladly give honest answers and opinions without worrying about being disliked because fundamentally, if someone DOES dislike you for being you, than you really don't care to know them! I'm not saying at thirty you become an absolute arsehole, just that you simply have a better understanding of who you are and unfortunately that won't be to everyones taste. Being liked at thirty is nice, whereas at twenty two it can sometimes feel like a priority. Don't get me wrong twenty two was a lovely age but I've certainly grown since than and comfortably so, I didn't even realise it happened!
I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that at thirty five or even forty I will probably be proclaiming "but I still feel thirty, there's been a mistake" but maybe that's just how life rolls by. We don't intentionally grow, we simply think we're getting by on a wing and prayer. Years go by so fast but age seems to creep up on you so slowly! It seems to me that it's only when you consciously acknowledge how much you've changed, that you are then able to give yourself the credit you deserve for just how far you've come and what exactly you've achieved. So on that note I would like to say a big hello to my thirties... I think I might just be ready for you?

Sophia x

Outfit Details: Yellow Check Blazer- And Other Stories (gifted), Yellow Check Wide Leg Trousers- And Other Stories (gifted), Croissant Graphic Tee- Ganni at Net-A-Porter (old), Patent Three Strap Mary Jane Pumps- Carel Paris, Multicoloured Diamante Flower Earrings- Oliver Bonas.

Photography by Rosie Butcher

1 comment:

  1. Hearing you say that the prime of your life is over makes me consider I'm turning 28 this year :O

    "The thing is, these are your transitional years to really get to grips with who you are and who you want to be."
    I totally agree with this!!! I feel like I'm nearing the 30's wiser and more in touch with who I really am, and what my values are.

    Flor |